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Showing posts from August, 2013

Day 609...Year 2

I had a HUGE emotional breakthrough last night... I was able to get freedom from some hurt and pain I have been holding onto for over 30 years...Thank you BFF for being open and willing to help me through this and not ignoring the situation last night... Thank you for reminding me once again that I am not at fault and that I am a survivor... I wish everyone could show love and compassion for each other in the way BFF did for me...  It upsets me so much when I hear that someone is passing judgement on someone else all in the name of Jesus... I am a Christian and I am not a biblical scholar but I also know enough Bible to know that we are to go out and spread the gospel and demonstrate God's love and forgiveness to others...  Not tear down and criticize them... If you act that way in front of a non-christian, how are you reflecting Christ to them? When you criticize me because I have tattoos... When you criticize me for being an unwed mother... When you criticize me fo

Day 608...Year 2

Some nights I just sit and think about how different my life would be if I hadn't done one thing or another... If I had chosen not to speak to one person and spoken to another... As I sit here tonight I wonder what would have happened had I gone to the Magnet school in St. Louis instead of where I went... Would I be performing somewhere on stage, maybe even Disney... Would I still be friends with all of my friends? Some I wouldn't have met, had I not gone... It's funny because I haven't thought about that school in probably 25 years... It's almost like it was a dream, like it never really happened... I used to say I wanted to go to Webster University because when I walked into the music building it reminded me of the show Fame, but in reality I believe I wanted to go there because it was my opportunity to do music like I imagined I would have had I gone to the Magnet School... I know we aren't supposed to focus on the past and what could have been, but the

Day 607...Year 2

So the cat is out of the bag...I have officially announced that I am moving from Typhoon back to Epcot... I have finally become a Status Coordinator of Training... Basically there is no more waiting on extensions, I am permanent... I will be supporting Norway and Germany Food and Beverage Training... I am definitely excited because I will be learning totally new things once again... Table Service... Plus I will be the COT in charge of the trainers for my most favorite bakery at Epcot!!! Sorry France, my heart belongs to Norway! So this is a crazy story all about a girl that started on a journey on September 30, 2012... She began her Journey as a TA in a magical realm known as World Showcase East... She traveled from Tower to Tower, all the way from Norway to Mexico and back again... She fought tirelessly to when back the hearts of the people and when she did, the new King arrived and took over the happy kingdom and the TA went into a slumber... One bright morning, February 24, 20

Day 606...Year 2

too many emotions right now to process... Excitement, sadness, happiness, longing, loneliness and fear... and don't forget confusion... So many changes happening at once, I don't know which way to turn... I know I need to take on each thing one step at a time... But sometimes I don't know which emotion is ok to have and which one isn't... I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have so much fear inside me still, I feel it rearing it's ugly head when I am around certain people... I don't even know if Fear is the right word but I just feel icky when they are near me... Maybe it's a defense mechanism that little me created, but I don't like the way it feels... Too much confusion right now... Maybe things will look different tomorrow... Musicsongbird

Day 605...Year 2

It's amazing how slapping on a little color can change the way you feel... Last Friday I was called for a last minute interview and just by chance I threw on some makeup... When I got to the interview I saw many of my friends/ Disney Family members and were told how nice I looked... Well of course, when you hear something like that it makes you smile a little bigger and stand a little taller and if I do say so, I killed in that interview... Well, every day since then I have taken time in the morning to put on a little makeup and I realized how much I missed it... Back when I worked for the Ad agency and then Lane Bryant, I dressed to impress and I wore my MAC to complete the look, but once I moved south to the humidity capital, I said so long Cover Girl... When I told BFF that I had been wearing makeup for the past 5 days, he asked me how it made me feel and you know what... In the past I would have just said, "Why bother, it's just me in color..." But now, it m

Day 604...Year 2

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Things have been crazy for me over the past few weeks as I have written... And three words have been rolling through my head tonight... Just Let Go... So I begin to list in my head all of the things that I am possibly holding on to that I need to face with an open hand, with open arms and with an open heart... This anxiety that has been plaguing me these past few weeks is over things that are out of my control... Once and for all I am letting it go, because whatever is going to happen is happening whether I worry about it or not, so to save myself some stress, I am going to release it... The one thing we all need to let go of are the fears that are holding on to us so desperately... For me... my biggest fear is of being alone... This is probably why I have such an outgoing personality... It works two ways for me... First it is an attention getter, it draws others to me... Like I have said before, happiness and excitement, joy if you will, is contagious... And secondly it'

Day 603...Year 2

I have so truly blessed this past six months to be put where I am... I have met so many incredibly amazing people... I am confident many of them are truly going to be there for the long haul... I love that I came into a place where I was welcomed with hugs and laughter and smiles... My desk is a testament to why I do what I do... The sweet messages from the cast and friends... It just shows that a little kindness and a smile go a long way...  Each day I make my rounds to my areas and I smile and say hello to everyone I meet... No matter how focused they are they always stop what they are doing, say hello and smile back... Joy spreads like magic... I especially love going into the kitchen and visiting my culinary team, or as I like to call them...my boys... They are always happy when I pop in and no matter how busy they are they take time to chat with me... One of my boys always tells me his day is much better seeing me, his teddy bear... This sweet man is old enough to be my gra

Day 602...Year 2

Don't you just hate when you say something totally hilarious and you are like, I am going to totally remember it in like 8 hours and Blog about it and then you can't remember what it was you said or the context it may have included... I have those moments a lot... Of course it would probably only be hilarious to the people that were there when I said it and when you read it, you will be all like, what was she thinking and does she really know how to use the word context correctly??? It's kind of like, I didn't get enough sleep last night because it was Friday and normally I am off on Saturday but I am just used to staying up so I couldn't get tired and so I was watching funniest moments from the Big Bang Theory on YouTube and then I went to get ready for bed and it's like close to midnight... So when I am laying there going through my phone wondering why I can't fall asleep, I start going through pictures my friends have posted on #Instagram when I notic

Day 601...Year 2

Many years ago in a town far far away, called Fenton... When my BFF would take me home after a night out or stopping by on his way home from work, we would sit in his car and chat about anything and everything.... Laughing and joking, sometimes even crying, those times just seem so far away... Tonight we revisited those good old days when I dropped him off after an afternoon and evening of shopping and dinner and yummy dessert... Normally we say our good nights and he heads in for the evening... Tonight, I threw the car in park and turn off the engine and we sat and talked... There was some laughter and may have been a few tears but it brought back the memories from all of those years so long ago... I think the older we get, we get so wrapped up in the day to day world, that we forget about the things that made our relationships so strong... We are always trying to think of things that we can go and do, when sometimes just sitting and talking or going for a late night walk just mig

Day 600...Year 2

I can't believe this is blog number 600 already... Sometimes I feel like I have been blogging for years and other times it feels like I just began... So many things have happened in 600 days... So much laughter and so many tears... So many sleepy typos and marathon messages... Then there are the nights where nothing truly makes sense to anyone but the author... So many surprises and so much truth... It's incredible to see where I was and where I am... And the excitement over where I am heading... Musicsongbird

Day 599...Year 2

A day of recovery from the big bad Migraine Monster... As I got up and going after more than 16 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, I noticed that if I coughed or laughed a little, my sides screamed in agony... I thought, maybe I had slept to long but then the memory of pulling over and unloading my stomach in a neighbors yard came rushing back... I was talking to my BGF on Skype tonight and neither of us can remember the last time either of us had been that sick, where it caused pain the next few days... All I can say if thank you for Flu Shots to protect us from that misery... Mom and I were talking about the Christmas she was so sick that my Grandma had to fix Christmas Dinner for all of us... Then there was the Christmas holiday when we ALL got sick... It's crazy what you will remember when you are sick... I am just happy that the Migraine Monster doesn't rear it's ugly head like that very often and I hope he doesn't make another appearance any time soon...

Day 598...Year 2

Warning, I am going to be real... Today started with a headache... I allowed myself a little extra sleep time before getting ready for work... As I sat at my desk the headache progressed until the point where I was having cold sweats... At that point I asked to go home... I said I was leaving at 9:30 but I couldn't make it the last 6 minutes, so i clocked out and got in my car... As I began driving home my stomach began churning as my head screamed with pain...  As I got to about 200 yards from my street I knew I wasn't going to make it, so I pulled over, jumped out and saw my whole morning make a come back... Once I was calm again I got back in my car and made it home... There are days like these that I wonder how I made it home but I know is that God was in control and He got me home safely... I was home by 10:00 AM and the next time I saw the clock it was 1:30 PM. My headache still raged on and so I took something else for it and head back to my dark sanctuary, where I s

Day 597...Year 2

I just feel as though I need to clarify myself... I am not sad or depressed, it is just a huge realization that I had and I need to move forward with some things in my life... Getting healthy is obviously the biggest thing... I have learned so much from so many different programs and one thing rings true through them all... Small changes over time make a huge difference... In just SIX weeks time you can make or break a habit, good or bad... I have made this blog last for 87 weeks so I guess it's well past a habit now... ;) I want to think that the little changes I start making now, will be a normal part of my life this time next year and for years to come... Time to bring out the food and activity journal... Musicsongbird

Day 596...Year 2

This morning I awoke with the voice of Barney in my head... No, not the purple singing dinosaur, but the womanizing best friend of Ted, Marshall, Lily and Robin on How I Met Your Mother... I heard, "Suit up!" Ahhhh, my Monday... As I went through the process of suiting up I hopped on the scale and I heard a scream coming from beneath my feet... I looked down and realized I had not caught a cat's tail but rather the scale was crying in agony... I literally saw tears coming from the screen showing me a horrible number and the scale pleaded me to step off... After quickly stepping off I began to go through the ritual of getting ready... When I sat down on the bed to put on my socks I had flash backs of thinner times when putting on socks and shoes didn't require being in a sitting position and I didn't have to use my pant leg to get my shoe closer so I could tie it... I think I am as close to rock bottom as I want to get... And then I go even farther over the

Day 595...Year 2

It's so great to sleep in... Then later on in the day, to snuggle with your favorite fur babies and take a cat nap... It's not the amount of stuff you cram in a day that makes it good, it's what you get out of that day that matters most... I visited the library and wen on a grocery store adventure with mom, I had lunch with friends, nap with the babies and I made yummy home made pizzas for dinner... I would say a successful and restful day... Took some time for me, which I have been told I don't do enough... Musicsongbird

Day 594...Year 2

What a fun day... Normally Fridays are groceries with Mom and BFF, but today was different... BFF and I have been wanting to go to Universal for sometime, since we have passes and so we decided we would go today... Well, Mom decided that she would do groceries on her own if BFF and I wanted to get going early... So we took her offer and headed out... We stopped for a quick breakfast and then headed to the parks... It was so fun to play tourist... We got to ride the awesome new Transformers ride and didn't wait more than 20 minutes! We also had our first taste of Chicken and Waffles... They were different and I think I would try them again elsewhere... We spent a bit more time in the studios and when we were both feeling yucky from the heat we decided to escape to the AC of the AMC and enjoy some time in another time and place... Then we finished the day with Dinner at ye olde Del Taco... Some times its nice to go and just be silly together and place tourist... Musicsongbi

Day 593...Year 2

I love when people get shocked when I put on my big girl panties at work... Meaning, I get assertive and I lose my sweet and silly demeanor... It has happened more than a few times this week and I think I do it because I get to a point where people think they can walk over me or the situation without consequence and it's my way of putting them back in line... I am all for having a good time, but when your good time is effecting the work of others, that is when courtesy needs to kick in and you need to either shut up or leave... Now I try to be nice but when I ask you to be quiet and two minutes later you are all talking at the top of your lungs again... No more Miss Nice COT... Musicsongbird

Day 592...Year 2

I am glad we can't see into the future... Even though I get impatient and anxious at times over things, I would rather deal with the hurt or celebrate with the surprise when it happens... However that doesn't stop me from being anxious... But in times like these, all I can do is lean on God and know that he is in control... Try not to get worked up over things I can't control and just let God take care of the rest... Musicsongbird

Day 591...Year 2

Sometimes the thing you thought you wanted more than anything, doesn't always seem as desirable in the end when it could happen... I think over the course of time, your desires change and you realize maybe that thing that others desired for you isn't really what you wanted at all... The thing you wanted was to spread your wings and have new experiences and try things on your own... Kind of like when you are a kid and everyone sits watching you all of the time when you are practicing... Which in turn can make you nervous and self conscious.... But then when people aren't viewing you under the proverbial microscope you begin to gain confidence and self-assurance and you find you can do it on your own... There are a lot of people in life that want to be the "reason" for your success, but the fact is that they didn't do it... You did it... It's great if they want to encourage you but the only person that should take credit for your success is you... I ju

Day 590...Year 2

It makes me smile when I get to work with someone new and they are as crazy and silly as I am... I had another opportunity to get to be a part of the team that welcomed over 600 new college program cast members today and I laughed nearly the entire afternoon... Sometimes I start to think what would have happened had I been one of those new college program cast members standing in the hall waiting to go through my paperwork and to hear about my first week at Disney... Would I still be where I am or would I even be in Florida still... Then I remember where I was when I was these kids age... I was working and going to community college for three years trying to decide what I truly wanted to be when I grew up... Then for my final two years I was at Webster University living my Fame dream pursuing a vocal music degree...  Then after graduation I was spending my last summer with my Dad before he made his trip to heaven... That's when I realize that I got to Disney at the right t

Day 589...Year 2

There was a time, not to long ago when I felt like it was so hard to be one of those people that give all of the time and feel like you never got anything back... But now I realize that was the sadness talking, the lack of self-worth, the bad self-image... Now I realize that nothing makes me happier than doing special things for others... Whether it's bringing treats to work for everyone (even if it's Mom that does the baking), or surprising a friend and taking them to lunch or dinner or just sending a little card to let someone know what they mean to me, the feeling I get seeing the smiles on their faces is the thanks I enjoy... I'm not saying it's not nice to be on the receiving end of those kind of surprises but I know that being an encourager or cheerleader or care taker for others is who I am... God made me special... Musicsongbird

Day 588...Year 2

I am a hopeless romantic... I love Christian Romances, Hallmark Movies and chick flicks... I love their predictability, their happily ever after and the true love found... I love the feeling it gives me in my tummy and in my heart...  I have never been "in Love" but I know what love is...it is beautiful and special and it should be unconditional...  I know it doesn't always happen over night either, sometime it takes it time and comes softly like a whisper on the wind... Musicsongbird

Day 587...Year 2

As I sit and ponder what I have done over the last almost 6 years at Disney, the one thing that stands out more than anything is how blessed I have been to work with the people I have worked with... My COT mentors, My Core Team, My Training Managers, My Typhoon Team...  I miss my Core Team very much but it makes me feel so good to know that we each support each other in all of our pursuits... I love when I am working at my desk and my IM alerts me and it's one of the Cores... Now I won't be getting those alerts from the Principal... It was a great time celebrating his new Teaching job last night but something I wish we had done was go around the table and share our favorite Principal story... So, I will share a few of mine... I had the honor of being his first Disney trainer in Future World North... It was me against 3 guys and out of the 3 he was the only one that still remains at Epcot... He was the first trainee to turn me bright red and leave me speechless and it

Day 586...Year 2

What a fantastic day and evening... I got to have lunch and then dinner with my Core family... One of our amazing team members have gotten a teaching job and will be leaving next week and we had to show him off, core team style... Compete with a pot luck lunch with the entire Epcot Training Trailer and a special core dinner...Well, and a cake that said good riddance ;) It was nice to sit down as a team and laugh and joke and have an amazing time getting caught up with those of us that have departed from the team... It just felt like being with family... Musicsongbird

Day 585...Year 2

I love when you post something on social media and people you don't remember from Eve come out of the wood works and put their opinion on your page and when you respond to your original post, they threaten to delete you as a "friend." Guess what... If you were really a friend than you wouldn't make such infantile threats... If you have to threaten to "unfriend" me, than clearly you never really were a true friend... It is crazy how social media can bring long lost friends together and in the same time tear people apart... Crazy... On a more positive note, things are going great for me emotionally... I know I made the right decision... In the past week I have noticed a lot of difference in my mental and physical self... I don't find myself yawning like I was all the time, I am actually able to have an emotional moment and mentally talk my self through it, telling myself that it's OK to feel upset, but once I have gotten the feelings out, it is

Day 584...Year 2

I came to a huge conclusion today... Everything happens for a reason and so, if I don't get extended or statused at Typhoon, I know I was there to help make things better for the training teams I support... I still have at least August and September so I am not by any means wishing away the time... I just know that I was put there for a reason... Something else I know... I came from the best training team ever at Epcot... I want others to have that same experience of working with a Team that genuinely cares about each others... I feel like I have that again with my Typhoon COT/Cast Service family... If I do nothing else in the next two months, I will strive to help my areas achieve that as well... Ducks stick together... Musicsongbird

Day 583...Year 2

A long day, opening to the early evening welcoming the new college program cast members... Sadly, falling asleep as I type... Musicsongbird

Day 582...Year 2

Today was a day to heal... I woke up with a migraine and knew that I needed rest...  I am down to taking my morning meds every 2 days and soon it will be every three and than four and than I will be done... And I am finally feeling again... And it feels fantastic... I can honestly say, I was happy to wake up with swollen eyes and a headache, part from crying part from the weather and allergies...  I felt like I got a ton of emotions out last night and some inner turmoil as well... I spoke about the song "Hurricane" last night and how it has spoken volumes to me since hearing it a few weeks ago... So very often when we are going through hard times we pray for God to take away the hurt and pain and we feel like nothing has happened... But in the midst of all of our struggles, Jesus isn't watching from the outside He is there with us every step of the way... I now believe I am another step closer to a healthier me... Musicsongbird

Day 581...Year 2

What an incredible night of worship... Mom and I drove to Brandon just outside of Tampa to see Sandi Patty and Natalie Grant perform together for the first time and it was spectacular... Their music and stories were so moving... Sandi brought me to tears when she performed, "We Shall Behold Him." Then Natalie sang my new favorite song, "Hurricane" and it was just incredible... The night was topped when Mom convinced me to go back into the building following the concert to talk to Sandi in person... I have met her before so I didn't need anything for her to autograph.... I just wanted to let her know how much her music meant to me... So I got in line and waited... A few minutes later Mom joined me, opened her walker and handed me Sandi's Cookbook... I was very excited and so now I had something for her to sign... When it was my turn, I sent Mom up and got her picture with Sandi and then I went over, got my book signed and she did personalize it... The

Day 580...Year 2

What a fantastic day... I love the days when everything is just fun and today was it... BFF and I were able to go on a tour of the Founders room at Bok Tower... A tour that is reserved for members only... I love those times when you get to see the interest and the wow on someone else's face when they discover something new... It was lots of laughs and magical fun... Musicsongbird Falling asleep as I type

Day 579...Year 2

Today we celebrated one of our COTs that is leaving us to return to his old area... In preparation for this my co-worker and I put together pictures and clip art to create a binder full of memories of us his time with us... It is incredible how some many memories can happen in just 5 months... We shared highs and lows, happiness and sadness and moments of absolute hilarity... I know great things are coming for him and who knows... He could end up back at the Lagoon... One way or another... Musicsongbird Just remember: When life throws grapes at you, push them aside and ask for lemonade...