The 5oz Foodie

Life has been anything but normal lately... for over 188 days I have been working on a huge project... Well, I have been not always been actively working on it, but I have been pursuing this project... You might call it a Home Improvement Project... A DIY even... Except for once, I decided I couldn't truly do it alone anymore... On Tuesday, I completed a 15 week Healthy You class at Our Center for Living Well where I work... A class that combined the Nutritional, Mental and Physical Fitness aspects that we need to make healthier decisions for our selves... During the time frame of the class I have lost 10 pounds which for some may not seem like much, but for me, I will take it... For someone who has lived the ups and downs of weight gain and weightloss, every loss is a win and a step closer to my goal... Which brings me to probably the biggest truth I have been contemplating for awhile and one I can not take back once I have posted it... So this is my huge step of faith... No...

So 126 days in and 22 pounds down and feeling pretty good physically but mentally I am struggling within myself still on a daily basis and I know that will happen because I am human. I know I should be getting out there and exercising and working out and all sorts of things but right now mentally all I can handle is the dietary changes and tracking how many steps I am taking per day and on days like today when I barely broke 1500 I feel like I failed myself somehow. But on the flip side I was under my calories, just barely and I should be happy, but I guess it's just a case of the throwing other feelings I am going through into the container and slamming the lid shut on them kind of day to deal with them later. Sometimes all you can do is take one step at a time and for me, my step is getting the calories under control. I still struggle with wanting to over eat and so I have to prepackage my breakfast and lunches for work and Mom and I menu plan our dinners so I know what to expe...

So no one said it was going to be easy but I am making little changes that are making a big impact on my day to day life... 90 days ago I re-downloaded the Myfitnesspal app and have been logging my food and exercise everyday and I am honestly seeing a difference in what I eat and how I feel... No one said this journey would be easy or quick but day by day I notice new things and feel a little better... I think my Mom said it best this weekend when she said that she never thought she would enjoy eating healthy foods... and I totally agree... I still have people ask if I am dieting and I have to tell them how much I dislike that word, DIET... When you Diet it is so temporary... It makes me think of fads that come and go, usually not under a doctor's supervision and usually involving cutting out something like carbs or everything white or all sugars or everything with green stripes or some odd reasoning behind it... I prefer to look at what I am doing as a lifestyle overhaul... Yo...

It's been a long month... I haven't written in awhile again. I go through these peaks and valleys where I just don't feel like communicating out of my finger tips and right now I guess Yelping tonight got my juices flowing. So to catch you up I have started a pretty huge step over the past month, I am and have been actively tracking my food and calories and steps/activity through an app called My Fitness Pal and as painful as it is some days I do it. It's not easy realizing what you are actually putting into your body. Entering in steps and calories burned is easy because you get those calories back, but definitely not the opposite. But I have had some really supportive friends and it's made it a lot easier this time around and believe me I have been around this block a time or twelve, but this time it definitely feels different. This time I feel more thoughtful I think... I feel more focused... Now if I can just get my body to cooperate I will be in a great pla...

What a whirlwind of a week... I am so tired but I am equally proud of myself... For the first time in I can't remember when I actually walked all the way from the Biergarten backstage to cast services and then from there back to my office behind Mission Space... That isn't all... Then later on I took a round trip from my office to Norway and back with my boss, walking both ways... No coughing episodes, no major wheezing, just feeling a little worn out but feeling proud of myself for not giving up today... I didn't quite make it to 10,000 steps but I am almost there and I will get back to that number on a consistent basis again, but until I do I will continue to take things one step at a time... The hardest thing to realize when you are trying to lose weight is that it takes time... You didn't put the weight on all in one sitting, so unless you plan on having surgery or liposuction, you aren't going to have it all come off in one sitting wither... 1-2 pounds pe...

So this is my second attempt at blogging this month... Last night was the first... For the past 24 hours this was a blank page because at first I thought I knew what I wanted to say and then at the last minute I crapped out... I know it has been a month since I last wrote and so many thoughts have passed through this mind of mine and gone to waste but I guess there are just times I feel like they aren't worth sharing or they are better left unsaid... I have been doing a lot of self talk lately because sometimes I am the best one to understand what I am going through... Plus I need to talk myself through it to try and make sense of it or try and handle it... One thing I have never been secretive about in this blog is my weight battle and I am not about to be... In fact I am tracking it and watching it more than I have in a long time and I am trying to make a valiant effort these days...  Many realizations have hit me recently a big one being I am wasting my life being overweight...

    Sometimes you laugh to cover the tears... I had an over all good day today... Nothing remotely terrible in fact... At one point a friend sent me a virtual drink through Instant messenger and when I inquired why, she replied that she didn't like to drink alone... Which of course caused me to reply with many lols... Of course do not worry, the only drinking we did on the job was water and maybe tea for me and possibly a pop or soda for her... Don't want anyone to think we are up to naughty things in our trailer... Focusing on being happy has been a great tool in keeping the stresses of every day life at bay, however it can't fix everything... Sometimes little things slip through and we have to face realities that we haven't wanted to admit to ourselves because they hurt to much... I have been writing this blog off and on for some time now and with a title like Skinny girl in a fat body obviously there are weight battles I deal with on a daily basis... I faced one...