The 5oz Foodie

To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift... It's really funny... I used to sit in weight watchers meetings years ago dreaming of the time when I would reach my goal weight and when I would get the opportunity to share my knowledge and my encouragement with others on their weight-loss journey and become a WW leader... Well sadly I failed at Weight Watchers, OK maybe I didn't fail but I gave up on it... I think the point counting got to be to much for me and I got bored with it so like so many other "diet" programs over my life, I quit... But I have never given up on that desire to help others on their journey... I guess that is why despite being severely overweight I am still so very passionate about the Healthy Pursuits program at work, because I feel like this finally something that is speaking to me and little by little it helping motivate me... But sadly i still have a few friends that are TOO over zealous and TOO pushy and trying to make m...

This has been a very eye opening month... I went the first 24 days of the month without eating extra sugar... Like no cakes or candy or desserts... etc... I stuck with the natural sweets like fruit or granola as a treat... I did go some numbers not saying how many but was feeling better and than vacation arrived... Well needless to say I indulged on everything from Cakes, donuts and candies to the kitchen sink... literally we had the kitchen sink... Well after five days of this devil may care attitude I can honestly say that I am happy to be back on track and eating the right foods again... I know it's OK to have small bites now and then but going overboard doesn't do anything but make you feel gross and miserable... At one point during my vacation we stopped at a gas station to use the facilities and get something to drink and a little snack and I grabbed a giant Reese's Fast Break bar. First of all, why I found it necessary to grab the king size version instead of the r...

I was fortunate to get to see the sun come up over Epcot this morning as I participated in a Be Well Cast Event... Myself along with a couple hundred Cast Members from all over property rose with the sun to come together to stretch and shake things up in front of the the fountain of Nations at Epcot and then take a stroll around World Showcase where surprise visitors waited for us around every turn... We were greeted by my pal Fitz who was then joined by our Disney Ambassador team to welcome us to the Event... Fitz then returned to lead us in a giant group warm up to get us pumped up and ready to walk... She even went as far to create our very own workout called the "Cast Member Stomp"... She was quickly followed by our Park VP Sam Lau who finished off our welcome by bringing the BIG CHEESE himself to the stage "Mickey Mouse" and counting us down to take our walk... As we walked the promenade we saw all of the beautiful topiary that line the lagoon for the Flowe...

So it's been a bit again but I have been working hard... I have been working for an entire 8 days of avoiding the sugary items and am feeling great!!!  Beginning March 1st, I said no more cookies, cakes, candies, etc... etc... etc.... I did have Oprah's Iced Chai Tea Latte at Starbuck's yesterday but that was the closest I came to "being bad"... Also didn't really snack this week either unless it was on a single serving of granola, yogurt or fresh fruit.... The strawberries are SOOOOO good right now.... I know I have been talking about the health challenge at work but I really have to give a shout out to my corner plus a few extras at work that are participating... We are working really hard to get healthy and I am so proud of everyone that is really making a n effort I am glad we are all really supporting each other... I hope we can continue this after the competition ends next month... I also have to give a should out to my new favorite person Fitz... Sh...

So I am pretty sure my Mom knows every date by heart of when I have blogged... Today she informed me of when my last blog was and if I had asked she probably could have told me what I wrote about... If I haven't said it before, I probably should, this time around I decided that I wanted to give myself more freedom... I felt like when I was blogging everyday, I was forcing myself some days to come up with something to write... This time, it is when I am feeling especially thoughtful or passionate about a particular topic... I guess I am finally feeling it is time once again... Over the past month I have been participating in a Health Challenge at work, kind of a biggest loser type competition...Where we compete as teams... I am the health champion for our office and so I send out email reminders to our team's participants about weekly weigh ins and stuff... I may have said this before but I feel like I need to say it again... I may be overweight, but I still know a lot abo...

So this is it... There is a park wide Wellness event beginning February 1st and I am going to participate and really stick to it for it's entirety... Basically it is like the Biggest Loser, but minus Alison, Bob, Dolvett, Jennifer, Jessie, Cheryl, Dr. Huzienga, Dr. Dansinger, a BIG cash prize and corporate sponsors ... See totally the same but very different... It's an opportunity to have the support of a team, that have a common goal of beating the other teams you are competing against for total bragging rights...and getting healthier in the process  ;) So, anyone that knows me, knows I have a tendency to make fun of myself so others can't... Total reaction to being bullied as a younger self... Well today was no exception... We were talking about the wellness event and I said, "isn't it funny that the fat girl (meaning myself), is the one leading the health and wellness challenge."  I expected someone to agree with me, but the reaction I received from one...

Today has been a struggle... Who am I kidding, most of the week has been a struggle... I started off with the doctors appointment telling me I still have bronchitis and I missed 2 days of work because of it... Then on Tuesday I started experiencing this insane itching all over my back and other spots on my body... After realizing it wasn't a flea attack from the cats, and knowing I hadn't changed anything in my soaps or detergents, I came to the conclusion that it was probably the antibiotic I had started Sunday... Well, I am on a new antibiotic and an anti-itch medicine, I am starting to feel better... Except that I had a horrible coughing fit today and as what I can best describe as a mental meltdown... My head just couldn't take much else at that point and I lost it... Tears pouring down my face for no reason... But I am here, still breathing, although labored from time to time... I realize now that it was fear running rampant today because the itching in my back rea...

Sometimes it's just easier to give up then to keep going... It's easier to just give in to the mental battle going on inside me head and surrender... Everyday I read all of these great success stories of people losing weight and feeling better and I have trouble getting off the couch some days...  Even though I am taking Plexus, it isn't going to lose the weight on it's own... I have been through enough weight loss programs in my life to know that, but then I get on the scale and it's telling me that I am just not doing it... That the plexus isn't working and my head starts to say that you should just go for the money back guarantee...  So STOP already... STOP the negative... STOP dooming myself to failure once again... I need to find a way off the couch... To stop the late evening snacking... The Plexus is helping me get my energy back and helping suppress my cravings, now I need to do my part in making sure I don't eat out of boredom or sadness... I nee...

Months have passed since I have regularly posted anything... Many things have happened...  I have come to terms with a few things in my life, I am sleeping a million times better and I am actively working on losing weight...  As you may or may not know I have a hard time liking myself and it goes all the way back to the damage that was done by a family friend. A grown up my parents trusted.  Looking back now I realize he treated me more like a girlfriend instead of the child I was. Buying me jewelry and sending me flowers, just not normal things a grown man should do for a 6-10 year old.  I didn't truly realize that I had been abused until a few years ago and telling my brothers was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it was part of my healing... I went through a year of therapy, I also spent about a year with a health/life coach. Each time peeling back the layers of hurt I buried myself in... Then I was introduced me to my acupuncturist and I i...

Lots of contemplating, lots of thoughts in my head... I needed grounding so badly today... Anxiety over my doctors visit tomorrow, anger over the fact that I allowed myself to mess up my checking account because I missed one entry a week ago now I have to pay for it by not having any money for a week... I am so thankful I live with Mom or I would have to call and ask to borrow money for gas... Struggling daily with my weight... Why is it that I get so gung ho in the beginning but when others find out what I am doing or I lose just a little bit, I crash and burn and give up... A huge part of me believes I am just going to die fat... I know I shouldn't negative speak but it's how I am feeling... Tomorrow is a new day and a new start... I need to make me a priority... I need to stop putting everyone else before me... I know that this money thing is a wake up call... I know that this doctors visit is a wake up call... I need to focus on my faith and on me... I took part in th...

So I have had a most interesting start to the new year... Here is my post from Facebook yesterday... OK  everyone, I am fine. I had an attack of sorts yesterday. I couldn't catch my breath and then deep breathing was very labored. After a bit I was ok, but I knew I needed to see the doctor so I went in this morning. While I was there the doctor was concerned because I was having problems breathing almost like I had a chest full of congestion but my lungs were clear. So they did an EKG and decided  I needed to go to the ER to have additional blood work done to determine that it wasn't heart related or a blood clot in the lungs. When I got to Celebration they performed another EKG and blood tests and a cat scan were ordered. They put me on an IV with some meds for my migraines and then I waited... and waited... and waited... The CAT scan was crazy... As soon as they inject you with the stuff it's almost like a feeling I get at acupuncture sometimes when the energy just zoom...

Tonight was rough... I have this horrible habit of wanting to eat all night... It's not that I am hungry... I think it's my way of swallowing my emotions... If I sit and munch I don't have to focus on the emotions I am experiencing... Tonight was no exception having the urge to get up and go grab something, anything out of the fridge... But tonight I didn't... I focused on something else and now that it is time for bed... I am ready... It's not going to happen over night but the fact is... it will happen... I will succeed... I am thankful for strong will... Musicsongbird

I am thankful that I have a boss that allows me the time to talk when needed and is a great encourager and supporter... I did something crazy tonight that I never thought I would do... I volunteered to be on a committee with our Home Owners Association... I have been going to the meeting with Mom for over a year and they are usually a lot of complaining about what isn't going right in the park and that there aren't enough members and so on and so forth... Well tonight when they asked for a committee to help with ballot counting for the upcoming board election I volunteered... I guess I have just gotten to the point where I realized that the only way things are going to change where we live is if I am a part of that change... I would have to say the average age of our HOA board is 65... The same goes for the membership that come to the meetings... The problem is that the people that are moving into the Park are younger and may not relate to the older members coming and askin...

I am thankful for the freedom I have found from my past... I am still healing but I am so much happier... It is time... Time to make some REAL changes... I am tired of talking and not doing... I have made my Christmas Bucket and it's crazy that I am making a genuine effort to fulfill all of those items on the list, but when it comes to my health... Well, it's just the same old same old... I want to say something about this though, I live pretty much out loud on Blogger but I think, while I appreciate the concern but this isn't something you can do for me...  If I have questions on how you have fought your battle, I will ask, but please don't try and tell me how to fight my battle... Fight on... Musicsongbird

I am thankful that I have an infectious laugh... I love the mornings when I stop at the Security Gate and I am teased by the sweet old guys working the gate... They just make me giggle and laugh and that is an incredible way to begin the day... I also love the days where laughter is throughout the day... Today there was laughter in our office all afternoon and it just makes it a better more comfortable working environment... And of course when you spend the evening laughing and spending time with good friends, it's just the icing on the cake... Musicsongbird

I am so thankful I have an amazing job, working for an amazing company.... With that being said, boy did I have a crazy day at the amazing job... I had a total of 6 new cast members from 2 different locations in different stages of their training and their areas are on two different sides of the park... When I took two of the trainees to get costumed and clock out, one of my co-workers watched the others that were still finishing e-learning and sent them over to me at costuming as they were finished... When I finally got down to my one remaining trainee he still had one more online training to complete and it was already 1:30 and I still hadn't eaten... So when another one of my co-workers heard that he took over for me so I had time to eat my lunch before i would need to take my trainee back to costuming...  Even though I didn't get a ton of work done today, I had to opportunity to get to know 6 wonderful people... I was extremely blessed by one of the gentleman I train...

The countdown to Christmas has officially begun... Hallmark Channel is showing there fantastic Christmas movies all day and night and new Christmas Movies every weekend through Christmas... Some may think they are mushy and predictable but I think I like the fact that there isn't all the sex and bad language; it's just good old happy endings...  This holiday season I want to really celebrate... Celebrate the time with Friends and Family and give from the heart... My Holiday Bucket List: Write and mail a letter to Santa... Have an Advent Calendar (preferably from Germany) Go and have my picture taken with Santa Claus String Popcorn (I've never done it) Go see the Christmas Lights at Fort Wilderness See the Candle Light Procession See it Snoap in Celebration See the Castle Lighting (haven't seen it in a few years) See the Osbourne Family Christmas Lights Make handmade Christmas cards Not skip over Thanksgiving decorating (Yes, there is a ho...

The one thing I regret most about going to the doctor is the weigh in, because I know it will be followed by a lecture... Well, I think good doctors know when the topic of conversation needs to focus on the current issue and not the reacurring one...  Not only did she not mention the weight she told me that my BP is good and she got down to determining what the cause is for my anemia and migraines...  Here is to getting healthy from the inside out... Musicsongbird 

Sometimes the hardest thing for us to do is ask for help... Especially when you are used to taking care of yourself or you think that asking for help makes you look weak or like you have failed in some way... I think it takes more courage to ask for help than it does to have to suffer through avoidable problems... As someone who has had to ask for help many many many times throughout my life, I know how hard it is to swallow my pride and let others know I am struggling but I believe it makes you more aware when others are in need of help and are afraid to ask, that way I can offer my help to help take some of the akwardness away from them... Anyway, don't be afraid to ask for help... Musicsongbird

I have some amazing friends as I have said many times over... Today we all came together to celebrate the return of our sweet Sister to work after her Battle with cancer... It was such an incredible hour this morning to get to see her and see the outpouring of love from everyone... We laughed and joked and she thanked us all and said the jokes are OK, because it makes recovery easier... Having been through the cancer battle with my dad, the hardest thing to make someone realize is that it's good to laugh once in awhile... Even though cancer is a very serious disease, laughter truly is the best healer... If you are emotionally healthy you will be less stressed and less stress is always a benefit... As a friend of mine reminds us all daily at work... Every day is a gift... Musicsongbird