The 5oz Foodie

Each day as my body changes, I am learning how my mind s changing as well... When you take yourself and your life for granted for so long because you feel like nothing you do makes your situation better, that when you finally take a leap of faith and things start getting better it puts a lot of things in perspective... Time is a big one for me... I realize even more so now after the year I have been through, of how important time is... Whether it is spending time with family or friends, spending time doing things you love...Or spending time doing for others, time is so important... For years I wasted so much time focusing on the negative that life started passing me by... I literally blinked and I went from being in High School to fast forward 26 years later... So much of that time I was unhappy and hiding within an ever growing shell of a human... I didn't know how to stop the destructive behavior... When I came to the realization that if I didn't do something drastic, I w

So I am at my 4 month post op and everyday is an adventure... It's an adventure in eating, in dressing, in how my body reacts to different situations whether through what I have eaten, drank or physical activity... I have more energy and some days I'm hungry some days I'm trying to make up all day for not getting enough... Sometimes my stomach is happy and sometimes...well it's not... I am down from a size 30 to a size 24 in my work uniform (costume)... 110.8 pounds since February and of that 62.9 pounds since my surgery date... Today I was able to sit on the couch and bend forward and paint my toe nails without having to become a contortionist! It's the little things... Every day is an adventure... This coming weekend I'm walking a 5k at my hospital. I'm looking for sponsors to help others like me, find freedom from Obesity... To become an Overcomer!!! Please consider sponsoring me... https://fundraise.asmbsfoundation.org/team/6773

It has been a wild and crazy ride this past 3 months since I laid on the operating table. I have had highs and a some lows but I am seeing a new side of myself I haven't seen in a long time. Many have pointed out the happiness they see in me again and I feel it. I'm really starting to like who I see in the mirror again, feeling like all of my hard work is paying off. People ask how my depression is and I can say not as many down moments as before but they aren't gone. There are many evenings like tonight where I just feel sadness. Not 100% sure why I am feeling it but I am. The tears on the verge of spilling and so many things swirling through my mind. But I will lay down and pray and hopefully when I awake the feelings will have passed. Musicsongbird

This past week and been one of rejuvenation and realization... I'm feeling stronger each day and physically better as well, despite the itchy belly from the incisions healing... I've went from all protein drinks to pureed food... It's amazing how good it feels to eat BBQ Chicken again... Even after it's been run through the magic bullet... Since I have to avoid sugar I have found a delicious Sugar Free BBQ sauce and a decent SF Ranch Dressing... In a matter of days I will be able to move on to solid foods which is very exciting!!! I am definitely seeing differences in my size and am fitting into a few thins that were tight before or stopped fitting well all together... I can't wait to start donating things I no longer fit because they are too big!!! I've been having these moments where I don't feel any different despite the fact that my stomach is now considered a pouch and can only hold 5 oz instead of 128 oz... Mind blown... I told my mom that I wish

January 28, 2018 8... the age I started gaining weight 44... my current age 185... my weight my 8th grade year 383 ... my last weigh in at the Doctor's office 0... What I have to lose Everything... What I have to gain I have finally reached my breaking point... I contacted my Doctor in the beginning of January asking about my options and now I am waiting to speak to the Bariatric Surgery Center... This isn't a decision I made over night... I thought about it, prayed about it, researched it online and spoke to friend who's husband has been through it recently... I am not taking any of this lightly... I am educating myself before I go through with it... I am going to an information session this week and calling the Doctor's office since my referral was approved... So now all I can do is wait a few more hours and I will see which direction my life will be heading... January 30, 2018 I haven't had anxiety like this since my Freshman year of college...

So I'm going to say something that is probably going to stir up some discussion... But it's a major truth bomb... Overweight people are discriminated against more than anyone else on earth and apparently it's ok... As humans we are visual beings, we see size, shape and color, and anyone who says they don't look at people that way is not necessarily being honest... Just listening to people's conversations on a daily basis you know it's true... Stop and listen how people describe others and you will see... Black, white, Asian, Arabic, Muslim, tall, short, muscular, scrawny, skinny, thin, curvaceous... We have all used some or all of these to describe the way a person looks... But when it comes to people that are overweight they use terms like Fat, Husky, Plus size, Rotund, Obese and phrases like Fatty, fatso, elephant, beached whale and blubber butt just to name a few I have personally been called... And this isn't just children taunting when I was younger

As I have spoken about before, I suffer from migraines and today was one of the worst I have had in I can't remember when... I feel like I have been having a really rough time for awhile and this just was the cherry on the top of the sundae... Right now I just feel like enough is enough... I need my breathing back, because I am dealing with some breathing issues as well... The doctor says my lungs are clear and my heart is good but I think its more anxiety driven than anything else... Hopefully my return visit to the doctor will help resolve this... Until then I will continue to take it easier than I am used to and be patient...

Today I celebrate my oldest brother... He is celebrating his 55th birthday! He is 10 years older than me, so growing up he was more out of the house than in the house... Meaning by the the time I was hitting double digits (10), he was already out of the house... I remember going to the High School when he was playing Football and the crowd chanting for him when he would kick off... Then I remember when he graduated and moved into his first place... I remember his water bed and Farrah Faucet poster... LOL He was so cool... Then I remember his T.A., it was bright red with T tops and a black bra... He was so cool that when I was Senior he let me drive it to a School Dance! I remember him when he was Weight Lifting in Competitions and winning trophys and just being in awe of him... I remember when he became a Father and then a Step Father and now a Pa! Even though life has happened for both over the years I know that he is there for me whenever I need him... Happy Birthday Big Br

It has been a whirlwind of a few days and despite another illness and more meds to get better, I am keeping a bright outlook each day... Last night I was handed some pretty sad news... A schoolmate of mine that I have known since Elementary School lost her battle with cancer... She was only  44 years young, still in the prime of her life and this horrible disease took her from this world... It's crazy because I haven't really spoken to her directly in years, probably since High School but when you have known someone for so many years it's hard to not be affected... I feel sorrow for her family, for all of her friends and for all of us who's lives were touched by her... Tonight I celebrate her life and the memories I have with her...

So very often I come to the end of the day and it's off to bed without a single thought, but tonight my brain won't shut off... Plus despite a great day at work there is something in the background of my mind something I can't quite understand what is making me feel a bit down...  I am sure it is the things that go unspoken in my bog, the things I am not ready to discuss, to reveal... Perhaps it's a bit of anxiety or maybe my mind is just trying to deal with past situations... I know I have written about my depression before but despite being someone who does well with sharing her thoughts and words, honestly sometimes the words won't come... They are trapped, sort of like the covers of a book holding in the story before a paged is turned... But I will celebrate my ability to share my thoughts and insights... My ability to share something I love; writing... What will you celebrate today?

What an incredible day! Even though nothing extraordinary happened in my life per say, I'm just happy that I woke up this morning and was able to get up out of bed, even though I wanted to sleep a bit longer, and get myself moving to go to work. I believe this will be my year to celebrate... To purposefully find something in everyday that is worth celebrating. With all of the crap going on in the world, my life is too short to focus on the sadness and anger that too many are falling into.  Are you alive? Do you have a pulse? Then Celebrate! Even in the midst of sadness, find a reason to celebrate... I know it sounds crazy but people do other things much crazier in order to find a little "happiness" in their lives... plus my celebrations don't have to cost anything... well unless ours celebrating National Popcorn Day, which happens to be this Friday and really, how can you go wrong with popcorn... #celebrate2018

I just saw that I have been writing this blog for over 6 years and it has been a lot of ups and a few downs but I hope that some of the things I have shared will help someone...  Being out of the blogging mode for some time I realized that mentally I feel so much better when I can release what is built up in side... But today I choose to Celebrate a new year and new choices and new experiences and I will go from here...