The 5oz Foodie

It's been exactly a week since my last post and I know I said I was going to blog daily and my plan is to continue in that vein, but sometimes life gets in the way... emotions mostly get in the way... My emotions for Christmas got in the way this year... From the outside world, everyone would probably assume everything was pretty hunky dory aside from the minor stress during Holiday Party week or Toys for Tots wrap up week, but not so... I know I usually share my world; the good, the bad and the atrocious; but this time I concealed alot... A few weeks ago my family lost a friend back home that I have known for most of my life... He has been sick for quite some time but it really sadened me that Mom and I couldn't be there to pay respects to our friends... He was part of the person I am now...He was a fantastic musician, he made great blaffles (waffles that overflow the waffle maker), great friend and neighbor... I don't know what exactly happened, but Christmas just fel

Little things over time can build up...Both good and bad... And if we hold them in too long they have a way of escaping... Usually the good things aren't so explosive but the bad things can come out in different forms... Underlying anger, snarky behavior, loss of temper, silent treatment to others, even sickness... Yep, when Kelly Clarkson said, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, She wasn't refering to burried anger... Burried hurts and anger just make you hurt more... They make you less trusting to others and of others; and quitly frankly make you not fun to be around... In my life I have carried around a lot of anger at times, mostly in the past but I have in the not so distant past as well, and I have learned that when you carry that hurt and pain around with you and you don't dig it out, it will fester and make you miserable because it just wants to consume you... We all know people that just seem like they are miserable all the time and the only time t

For some reason this year's rapidly approaching Christmas has been more emotional than year's past... Perhaps it is because last year was so huge, with sneaking home to surprise my entire family... But little things are bring about tears when normally I can keep it all together...Part of me is missing my family and big part of me is missing my Dad... Of all of the weird things that brought tears over my weekend, I was shopping at Bath and Body Works on Friday and they had a store bonus and of course because of all of these bonuses the store was packed almost like it was Black Friday again... Well once I made it to the register the cashier made me a deal on a purchase with purchase I couldn't pass up that I had considered and she actually added on additional discounts that I wasn't expecting which in turn saved me even more money and it just really touched me... I mean I know she was just doing what they probably told her to, but in the manner it was delivered made me

Quick turn around from last night, but who knew I would have so much to say at 9am on a Saturday morning after only being up for an hour... Why do people freel it's neccessary to bad mouth people they don't even know? And when they do hide behind a private account? That is what happened to me this morning on the Instagram... I have been blogging off and on here on Blogger since 2012 and before that sporadically on Facebook for a few years and I have had comments, usually positive but you post one photo of yourself enjoying a slice of Chocolate cake from Portillo's and suddenly your a FATF&@%...  REALLY? I mean seriously? That's all you got? That is SOOOO original... Then when I click on the name to see who came up this brilliant monicker their account is PRIVATE... Go figure... If you are going to have the BALLS to post something like that on a complete strangers instagram page or any social media page for that matter,  than you should at least have the cajones to

What a whirl wind of a week... You know you are hitting extremes when one night you are in bed by 830 and the next you are still awake at 110... But my bed is calling me but I knew there were some things that needed to be said tonight... I know I havne't spoken a ton about the weight issue each day but believe me it's a lot to discuss... I wish I had an answer to why we end up falling back into our old habits after we get moving into better ones and doing so well... Why we have that internal self destruct button suddenly get pressed that just blows everything out of wack and we pack back on all of the weight we managed to set free to begin with, except this times all of those fat cells we sent packing, have returned home with a whole mess of their friends... I start to think that maybe the old habits are just to comfortable, like that old pair of stretchy pants that we all have in our closet... You know the ones I'm talking about... The ones that are a way smaller size

I know I am carrying more weight when my numb hands and excessive soarness and tiredness returns... For the past few weeks, I can barely keep my eyes open at 8:30pm. It is so crazy because you wilth think this would motivate me even more but when you have that lack of energy it makes it that much harder... But I won't give up, not on being healthier and not on this blig, except for tonight... Musicsongbird

Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is take a breath, step back and put your hand over your mouth... Because if you don't it can get you into more trouble than it is even worth...  Sadly not everyone knows this trick however... At the end of the day it's crazy when I look back and see just how many times I had to do this today alone... So for tonight, I am going to do something I don't do to often and I am going to ponder on todays happenings in silence. I am going to collect my thoughts as I collect my dreams and I will leave you with one thing... Each day is another step along your journey... Which way you go is up to you, which challenges you choose to step away from or face is up to you... Not every path is easy, nor is every path is clear, but if you stick to it, your journey can be an incredible one if you let it... musicsongbird

Some days you wake up only to want to roll over and go back to bed... And today was one of those weeks... But I have a job to go to and I knew I had people relying on me to be there and I am out of vacation pay so, High Ho, High Ho it's off to work i went...  Still with baby steps I traveled, tripping and stumbling over my breakfast choices, but thankfully the chili I brought for lunch was a great rescue and the applesauce I keep in my desk was a nice chaser for it as well, but the naughty bonus backstep was the bag of mini oreos I also found down by the appelsauce... But after the icky feelings I was having, I figured I probably "needed" them to help me feel better... Well, I don't suspect the Oreos did anything to make me feel bettter, I think it was the smiles from the new cast I met after lunch and got to show around and get to know, because I what I realize time and again, is that when you take your eyes off your own pain and hurt and self pitty and focus

Whoever thought starting a new journey in the middle of a holiday feeding frenzy was a good idea clearly has some issues on their hands... Oh wait, that person is me... But if you think about it, is there really ever a good time in anyones mind to start a new journey like this? I mean don't we all at some point come up with an excuse or don't we rationalize why it's ok to have that extra helping or to have the candy bar or 2 or 3... Why it's alright that we name our bed Gym and tell everyone that we are spending sometime there.  (Not that I have done that, I just know people that may have.) Sonow is the time and we are taking baby steps... why baby steps you ask? Because every step they make forward and not fall is a celebration! Despite be scared of the unknown babies want to move forward... They want to get places on their own and isn't that really what we all want? I have some pretty big things coming my way next year... I have family coming to visit me in

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is spend some time with some good friends even if it's just for an hour at lunch... You never truly realize just want that time does for your mental health...  Today wasn't 100% perfect with food and not evn close when it came to excercise or steps or activity at all, but it's all about acknowledging the change you see in yourself and taking baby steps in making those changes... I realize I can't go into things, everything all at once, because when I do I get all of this momentum and the minute something doesn't go as planned I get disappointed and I give up... So if I make small, smarter goals and I am able to reach them I can keep them... And with that I am less likely yo give up in the end... So for now, little steps and happy times with my friends will continue... musicsongbird

Wow, I feel like I climbed a mountain today... Well Bok Garden's is located on Iron Mountain and it is the 3rd highest spot in Florida so i guess in a way you could say I did.... So i guess that could be the reason I am completely exhausted... Which isn't really a bad thing, it means I had a great time enjoying the out of doors and getting some steps in... I didn't have a tremendous feeding frenzy like I typically do on my weekends... Today I enjoyed a small berakfast and light lunch served in the cafe at Bok tower and a delightful dinner at Manny's with the Bestie after a rousing game of mini golf... The one great insight I gained from this day was this... There are still really good people in the world... People that don't always think of themselves first and they are raising incredible children to think of others first as well... Every year Mom and I have the opportunity to go on a tour of the Founder's Room at Bok Tower which is basically the ground floo

Another year is quickly coming to an end and so many things are rolling back to me... pounds mostly... and now I must begin a new journey and this time I am going to do something a little more live than I have done in the past... When I first began Skinny Girl...In a Fat Girl's Body; on January 1, 2012 it was all about me and living my life and the day to day observances and really a personal challenge to myself that I could write for an entire year... Well, I don't want to wait until January 1 this time around, because I need to start now... I need to get my health under control now... I was doing so well in the beginning of this year... I was down almost 30 pounds at one point and something in side of me just gave up... There was no injury that prevented me from getting out and moving, no sickness that kept me bed ridden... Just me... Something in my mind and my heart that started me on the down word spiral to where I sit now at 347 pounds... Not my heaviest by any means b