Every Bite, Every Morsel - Day 12 #JoinMyJourney

It's been exactly a week since my last post and I know I said I was going to blog daily and my plan is to continue in that vein, but sometimes life gets in the way... emotions mostly get in the way... My emotions for Christmas got in the way this year... From the outside world, everyone would probably assume everything was pretty hunky dory aside from the minor stress during Holiday Party week or Toys for Tots wrap up week, but not so...

I know I usually share my world; the good, the bad and the atrocious; but this time I concealed alot... A few weeks ago my family lost a friend back home that I have known for most of my life... He has been sick for quite some time but it really sadened me that Mom and I couldn't be there to pay respects to our friends... He was part of the person I am now...He was a fantastic musician, he made great blaffles (waffles that overflow the waffle maker), great friend and neighbor...

I don't know what exactly happened, but Christmas just felt different to me this year... Maybe I am getting older, maybe it's because we were home last year, but it just didn't feel right... We put up the decorations, Mom made cookies and treats for friends... I guess I just am not feeling the wonder of this time of year like I have in the past...

This year has been such a year of tragedy and loss followed by union and pride; only to be turned around again towards anger and bitterness, it's no wonder Christmas doesn't feel right...

The one glimpse of hope, the one  bright star of this whole Holiday weekend occured when Mom and I were enjoying a late Christmas Eve dinner at Denny's and our sweet server sat us at the 1st table near the door and we both order almost identical orders aside from our drinks; and when we were ready to check out our server stepped over with out check and told us that the table near the window that had left a few minutes prior to us had paid for our meal and wished us a Merry Christmas... We wish we could have thanked them, we wish they could have seen the tears in my eyes letting them know just how much their kidness blessed my heart...

This was Christmas... This is something I was missing... Did it fix everything? No, but it's a start... I know I need to mourn my friend... I know I need to talk things out and get past these feelings I am having because releasing them is the only way I can move forward and enjoy things to their fullest again... But for now, please excuse me while I slip back behind my mask and smile...

musicsongbird

working on me...

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