The 5oz Foodie

Certain times of the year bring on stronger emotions for me and this time makes no exceptions... With yesterday being Father's Day it stirs up a lot of emotions, not just for the fact that I lost my Dad to Cancer almost 18 years ago, but because I am so far away from my big brothers so I don't even have them around to celebrate with. So Mom and I make it a point of having a special celebratory dinner in honor of Dad each year and have things we believe he would have enjoyed. Each year the meal is different but the dessert is always the same, Baskin Robbins. So this year we chose Burger King, because my Dad enjoyed their Whoppers. Following are uneventful dine in experience we headed down to BR to get a scoop of mine and Mom's favorite, Peanut Butter and Chocolate, topped with Dad's Favorite, Pralines and Creme. It always brings a smile to my face when we talk about old times with Dad and the fun we had. Sadly, sometimes I feel like those memories are fading for me, be...

So 126 days in and 22 pounds down and feeling pretty good physically but mentally I am struggling within myself still on a daily basis and I know that will happen because I am human. I know I should be getting out there and exercising and working out and all sorts of things but right now mentally all I can handle is the dietary changes and tracking how many steps I am taking per day and on days like today when I barely broke 1500 I feel like I failed myself somehow. But on the flip side I was under my calories, just barely and I should be happy, but I guess it's just a case of the throwing other feelings I am going through into the container and slamming the lid shut on them kind of day to deal with them later. Sometimes all you can do is take one step at a time and for me, my step is getting the calories under control. I still struggle with wanting to over eat and so I have to prepackage my breakfast and lunches for work and Mom and I menu plan our dinners so I know what to expe...

So very often we take our emotions and we stuff them into containers instead of facing them head on... And when those containers get too full they can't hold it any longer and they just explode... You see I have a hard time being honest with people I am close to because for to long I have held my tongue because I have felt like I have never truly felt like my opinion mattered or was valued... That I was always told simply that my thoughts weren't right and theirs was and that was that... So over time instead of voicing what I had to say I would just mash it down in my emotions container; whether it was anger or disgust or shame or sadness and just keep pushing it down and slamming the lid shut on top and hoping nothing would spill out... Tonight I learned something really important about the detriment to that... You push and shove to much of that down and at some point and time its all going to come spewing out at once like an erupting volcano and you may have to face it and ...

So I am on an amazing, difficult, stressful, relaxing, relentless, exciting, dramatic, painful, drawn out, extreme, life changing journey of weight-loss right now... I have been using the My Fitness Pal app for 106 days and haven't missed a log in yet. I log all of my food and beverage intake and my exercise as well. Right now the exercise consists of walking to my locations at work instead of driving when I can and then walking on my weekends with my bestie.  I am working myself back to working out like I used to, it's little steps. This is a marathon not a 50 yard dash... I am finding that I am craving fresh foods instead of fast... I am loving veggies and fruits especially the fresh blueberries you can pick right now at local farms... We are going for the 3rd weekend in a row this week... I am getting great satisfaction from picking my own food and seeing where it comes from... I am finding my passion for cooking again... I hate to admit it Mom, but for awhile I was regr...

So no one said it was going to be easy but I am making little changes that are making a big impact on my day to day life... 90 days ago I re-downloaded the Myfitnesspal app and have been logging my food and exercise everyday and I am honestly seeing a difference in what I eat and how I feel... No one said this journey would be easy or quick but day by day I notice new things and feel a little better... I think my Mom said it best this weekend when she said that she never thought she would enjoy eating healthy foods... and I totally agree... I still have people ask if I am dieting and I have to tell them how much I dislike that word, DIET... When you Diet it is so temporary... It makes me think of fads that come and go, usually not under a doctor's supervision and usually involving cutting out something like carbs or everything white or all sugars or everything with green stripes or some odd reasoning behind it... I prefer to look at what I am doing as a lifestyle overhaul... Yo...

I forgot what it' felt like to eat healthy... When I lived alone I ate a certain way because I didn't have a lot of money and so I spent my money wisely but on healthier choices and I found myself losing weight and now all of these years later I am consciously tracking the food I am putting in my body and I find that the longer I track it, the more I feel my cravings changing... Does this mean I don't want a piece of cake or a cookie now, absolutely not, it just means I don't find myself wanting to mindlessly sit down and pout away a bag of chips or candy or cookies... I feel like I am OK with just a little something... If you don't allow yourself a variety of foods then you will end up sabotaging yourself in the end... I think the less extra sweets I have, other than fruits which are naturally sweet, the less processed sweets I crave... Before I couldn't drive past Krispy Kreme or Baskin Robbins without wanting to pull in... Now I'm OK with a bowl of Hone...

I messed up tonight, I lost another fight I still mess up but I'll just start again I keep falling down, I keep on hitting the ground I always get up now to see what's next [Pre-Chorus] Birds don't just fly, they fall down and get up Nobody learns without getting it wrong [Chorus] I won't give up, no I won't give in Till I reach the end and then I'll start again No I won't leave, I wanna try everything I wanna try even though I could fail I won't give up, no I won't give in Til I reach the end and then I'll start again No I won't leave, I wanna try everything I wanna try even though I could fail [Verse 2] Look at how far you've come, you filled y`our heart with love Baby you've done enough, take a deep breath Don't beat yourself up, don't need to run so fast Sometimes we come last, but we did our best [Chorus] I won't give up, no I won't give in Til I reach the end and then I'll start again ...