5.24.16

So very often we take our emotions and we stuff them into containers instead of facing them head on... And when those containers get too full they can't hold it any longer and they just explode... You see I have a hard time being honest with people I am close to because for to long I have held my tongue because I have felt like I have never truly felt like my opinion mattered or was valued... That I was always told simply that my thoughts weren't right and theirs was and that was that... So over time instead of voicing what I had to say I would just mash it down in my emotions container; whether it was anger or disgust or shame or sadness and just keep pushing it down and slamming the lid shut on top and hoping nothing would spill out...

Tonight I learned something really important about the detriment to that... You push and shove to much of that down and at some point and time its all going to come spewing out at once like an erupting volcano and you may have to face it and so will others around you whether they want to or not...

For too long in my life I have allowed myself the negative self talk and I have allowed others to make choices for me because I was afraid to offend or hurt their feelings... But in reality I was damaging myself in the process because I was allowing others to walk over me and take advantage of my kindness... I am not saying I can't do for others bit what I am saying is that I need to start speaking up when I have something to say and not be silent because I think they are going to get upset if I voice my thoughts when they ask me for them...

As most of you that really know me or who have been reading my blog for awhile I can be pretty passionate about things and sometimes I am not even letting the real me completely show because that can be scary... Because who truly wants to meet the true person we are inside? What if I don't like the real me? Or what if I am even more awesome than I am now? Can i take that chance?

To empty my containers I need to be ready to face so pretty powerful pent up emotions, but do it in a safe and constructive, non-destructive behavior sort of way... No drinking or over eating, but in a way that is going to create positive healing and not a black hole of nothing... Then I have to come to the realization that the only way I will be truly happy is letting go of past hurts and healing from them and learning to love who I am and excepting me for who I am right now...

And when I can do those things I will be on my way to happiness, but I will not find it with the perfect job... I won't find it making a bunch of money... I won't find it in financial security... I won't find it with the perfect man (because no one is perfect, especially me)... I won't find it in a new car or new house or with 3.5 kids... I need emotional  healing and so do most of us and until we find that, we will never be truly happy...

musicsongbird