A brand new chapter - Pre Op

January 28, 2018

8... the age I started gaining weight
44... my current age
185... my weight my 8th grade year
383 ... my last weigh in at the Doctor's office
0... What I have to lose
Everything... What I have to gain

I have finally reached my breaking point...

I contacted my Doctor in the beginning of January asking about my options and now I am waiting to speak to the Bariatric Surgery Center... This isn't a decision I made over night... I thought about it, prayed about it, researched it online and spoke to friend who's husband has been through it recently...

I am not taking any of this lightly... I am educating myself before I go through with it... I am going to an information session this week and calling the Doctor's office since my referral was approved... So now all I can do is wait a few more hours and I will see which direction my life will be heading...

January 30, 2018

I haven't had anxiety like this since my Freshman year of college... I have had a couple of minor anxiety attacks, but nothing major...

Tomorrow is the day... I will be attending an info session so I can learn more about bariatric surgery...

Up until a month or so ago, my only experience or knowledge I have had is from friends and friends relatives that went through it years ago... One the person almost died and what was truly scary is that she wasn't having the surgery for the right reasons... the other person I knew that went through it ended up being cut straight down the middle and now she is scared... So I always thought there was no way I would go through it...

That is until my co-worker's husband went through it, and I really learned about the advances they have made since all of those years ago... I have asked subtle questions about the procedure... How his recovery is going, she even told me that she likes how I ask how he is doing... So it benefits her and me...

I just want to be fully prepared for what move coming very soon...

January 31, 2018

So tonight was a huge step... we went to the information session, mom and I and I learned quite a lot about gastric bypass and it's options... I also learned something that was probably the most important thing i could have learned...

I have a disease... Obesity is a disease... It is a genetic disease... Even when I maintain a healthy eatting style and I exercise, I will never make it down to a size 2... My body won't allow it... My body and I are in a war... I start Losing weight and my body retaliates by slowing down my metabolism...

I finally have an answer to some of my issues... Now I am starting to really understand why my body does what it does... Within the next week, I will be starting down a new path, surrounded by people that understand this disease and can help me truly battle it head on... Not just through the surgery, but also by giving me the tools to be successful...

To take me to a point where I am truly healthy! Back to feeling better physically but also emotionally...

February 12, 2018

So life isn't getting any easier right now... I have my appointments set to meet my Doctor and start meeting with the Nutritionist, however they are still another week away... And anytime I try and do any physical activity, I ended breathing like the big bad wolf... Huff and Puff...

Never in my wildest of nightmares did I ever think I would get to this place in my life where walking around the office would cause me to lose my breath... or getting in and out of a car... or just putting on socks and shoes... I was always fit fat... Meaning I was active... I only got out of breath very rarely... But something happened in the past year that all of it started coming crashing down around me... 

Part of me knows it is partially due to my body saying you are doing too much, but I also had some pretty stressful moments between work and getting a new car... Then the highs of traveling home for a week for my nephews wedding and then a speedy trip to Paris... My body literally hit a brick wall when it took on the Flu not once but twice in a 2 month time span... It's no wonder I have no energy now...

But there is a light that is ever looming brighter at the end of the proverbial tunnel... I just need to remember to be patient... That there are many steps between now and surgery... Then the journey really begins... Learning how to deal with my new plumbing in this remodeled home my spirit resides in...

February 20, 2018

This past week has been incredibly rough health wise... Major anxiety attacks causing breathing issues...  Medication given to help with the breathing gives major migraine... The worst one I have had in months...Doctor informs you that you have gained 25 pounds in less than 4 months... Getting around is getting worse... I shouldn't be almost hyperventilating after walking down the hall at work or after using the bathroom...

On the good side, the more I share with family and friends the less stress I feel... The more support I feel... My favorite reaction would have to be from my niece... She was so excited for me... It meant so much that she reacted in that way...

I had a huge self revelation this past week... While having dinner with my bestie we started talking about my journey for all of these years and how I have always kept so much to myself when it came to my weight battle... I realized as we were talking that the reason I have kept so much to myself is that when I try and fail at something like losing weight, I only disappoint myself, but when others know and I fail, I feel as though I disappoint others... This was a huge thing for me to admit...

As I take this new journey I am more open to having people in my corner... I now realize that I need others to know...  I need their support...

March 7, 2018

So I am slowly moving towards my surgery day, which isn't set yet... I have met with my primary physician and received all of my clearances required from him... I met with the PA at the Bariatric center and the nutritionist... My nutritionist gave me some steps to start on my journey... I have to practice eating at the kitchen table when I eat my meals... NO more CAR eating... I need to cut my carb intake in half... and i have to walk at least 5 minutes each day on my days off... Baby steps...

Honestly, I have not been doing fantastic on any of those, but after talking with my Mom we are going to start making the changes this week... It's hard to be committed when the person you live with isn't on the same page and that is why communication is vital... After talking it over with her she said she was ready to be a great supporter for me...

Today I met with the pulmonologist and got the ball rolling for that clearance... I am still waiting on two more appointments, the cardiologist and the psych evaluation...

I have feeling pretty confident and a bit anxious but I know that I have to get through all of this in order to get to my goal of a healthier happier me...

March 17 2018

So much has bee happening over the past two weeks... Every day starts with me saying, OK we are going to drink more water, we are going to get up from the desk and move more and we are going to be mindful of the calories and carbs... Well, I get past breakfast and then something happens and the rest of the day is out the window.... But I keep trying and each day I get a little better...

Still waiting to hear from the cardiologist, so hopefully Monday I will have an appointment with them...

Then my blood work came back and I see that I am pre-diabetic... My A1C is up from where it was earlier this year and to be honest it freaks me out a little, but I know if I really get working on what the nutritionist says I know that number will come down...

So another week begins, a plan is in place and at weeks end I meet with the nutritionist for appointment number 2...

May 24, 2018

It's been sometime since my last post and I am literally just one appointment away from everything be submitted to the insurance company for approval... As of my last weigh in at the 1st of May, I am 19 pounds closer to my goal weight... Tomorrow I will find out officially where I stand with my weight loss...

I will say that my clothes are definitely fitting more loose... I have great friends that have been supporting me and keeping my secret but only one that has actually come out and said they see a difference already...

I have just 3 days remaining where I will have normal meals... Then the liquid diet begins...

I am ready...