The 5oz Foodie

Sometimes it's just easier to give up then to keep going... It's easier to just give in to the mental battle going on inside me head and surrender... Everyday I read all of these great success stories of people losing weight and feeling better and I have trouble getting off the couch some days...  Even though I am taking Plexus, it isn't going to lose the weight on it's own... I have been through enough weight loss programs in my life to know that, but then I get on the scale and it's telling me that I am just not doing it... That the plexus isn't working and my head starts to say that you should just go for the money back guarantee...  So STOP already... STOP the negative... STOP dooming myself to failure once again... I need to find a way off the couch... To stop the late evening snacking... The Plexus is helping me get my energy back and helping suppress my cravings, now I need to do my part in making sure I don't eat out of boredom or sadness... I nee...

I have never had a job in my life where I have felt bad for calling in sick... but I do now... It's so silly because that is why we have sick pay or vacation bank so that when we get sick we stay home... But I feel bad... I can hear people in my head saying don't feel bad... Everything will take care of itself but I really love my job and miss it when I am not there... Sick I know... Mentally not physically even though I am... I know my body needs rest so it can get better and being at work doesn't allow that... So please pray for a speedy recovery for me... Coughing is so over rated... musicsongbird

Months have passed since I have regularly posted anything... Many things have happened...  I have come to terms with a few things in my life, I am sleeping a million times better and I am actively working on losing weight...  As you may or may not know I have a hard time liking myself and it goes all the way back to the damage that was done by a family friend. A grown up my parents trusted.  Looking back now I realize he treated me more like a girlfriend instead of the child I was. Buying me jewelry and sending me flowers, just not normal things a grown man should do for a 6-10 year old.  I didn't truly realize that I had been abused until a few years ago and telling my brothers was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it was part of my healing... I went through a year of therapy, I also spent about a year with a health/life coach. Each time peeling back the layers of hurt I buried myself in... Then I was introduced me to my acupuncturist and I i...

Sometimes the thing we want is the thing we are most afraid of... the answer to our questions... so very often we ask God...    - why did you allow this to happen?    - why did this happen to me?    - why did he die?    - why did I live?    - why am I alone?    - why can't they love me?    - why can't I be rich?    - why can't I be thin, or beautiful?    - why don't you ANSWER ME??  But we ask and we ask but we never stop and wait for the answer... and sometimes God has to do something huge to get in our face, to get us to pay attention... Some call it a slap in the face, a kick in the butt, hitting rock bottom... I call it an answer to a prayer... Don't ask for something if you aren't prepared for the answer... because sometimes that answer is not right now and sometimes it is no... But if you stop and listen, you will get one...

Lots of contemplating, lots of thoughts in my head... I needed grounding so badly today... Anxiety over my doctors visit tomorrow, anger over the fact that I allowed myself to mess up my checking account because I missed one entry a week ago now I have to pay for it by not having any money for a week... I am so thankful I live with Mom or I would have to call and ask to borrow money for gas... Struggling daily with my weight... Why is it that I get so gung ho in the beginning but when others find out what I am doing or I lose just a little bit, I crash and burn and give up... A huge part of me believes I am just going to die fat... I know I shouldn't negative speak but it's how I am feeling... Tomorrow is a new day and a new start... I need to make me a priority... I need to stop putting everyone else before me... I know that this money thing is a wake up call... I know that this doctors visit is a wake up call... I need to focus on my faith and on me... I took part in th...

So I have had a most interesting start to the new year... Here is my post from Facebook yesterday... OK  everyone, I am fine. I had an attack of sorts yesterday. I couldn't catch my breath and then deep breathing was very labored. After a bit I was ok, but I knew I needed to see the doctor so I went in this morning. While I was there the doctor was concerned because I was having problems breathing almost like I had a chest full of congestion but my lungs were clear. So they did an EKG and decided  I needed to go to the ER to have additional blood work done to determine that it wasn't heart related or a blood clot in the lungs. When I got to Celebration they performed another EKG and blood tests and a cat scan were ordered. They put me on an IV with some meds for my migraines and then I waited... and waited... and waited... The CAT scan was crazy... As soon as they inject you with the stuff it's almost like a feeling I get at acupuncture sometimes when the energy just zoom...

So many things have happened over this past year, some good and some really good... Some things I wrote about and some I shouted from the roof tops... Some of my favorites included Celebrating my Mom's 70th Birthday extravaganza... My bestie's baby sister's wedding... Getting my 2nd TA and then getting statused... Some things I didn't talk about like I think maybe I should, like getting squished for the first time... Last month I decided that now that I am 40, I needed to take a step in honor of my cousin Jana and my Core Sister and get my first ever mammogram... Was I nervous? Yes... Had I heard it was painful? Yes... But I knew what I had to do to make sure my breasts were healthy... For those of you that have no idea what an exam is like. You put on a dressing gown and other than that gown you are unclothed from the waist up... There is this huge machine you stand in front of and it has two panels. The technician places one of your breasts on the plate and adju...