The 5oz Foodie

I ran across this post today and it really hit close to home for me in so many ways... Well actually it spoke to the old me... The me before meds, before therapy, before the honesty with myself... I still have the depression diagnosis, but my suffering isn't what it was... There are still times I have tears for no reason... There is still times I can't explain what I am feeling, I just simply have no words... but if I pray for peace and focus on God's grace I know I can overcome those feelings of loneliness and sadness... For those that do not suffer from Depression you will never understand the darkness it causes... The pain and sadness you can feel...The absolute desperation of it all to just stop being so sad... This is probably why I try and live my life in such a positive way... Always smiling sharing love with everyone I meet... If I am always smiling and forcing the happy, I never have to feel the pain trying so desperately to bubble up from the depths... So ...

I find life funny... Well really people are...  We do so much to impress others from dressing better, or losing weight, or buying expensive toys, or bad mouthing others because you think it makes you look better... We put on a show... So very often we pretend to be someone we aren't to be friends with people that aren't worth the time of day because in the end you know that no matter how much BS comes out of their mouth saying I have your back or we are in this together, in the end it's just words. When they say actions speak louder than words, that is where my faith begins. I believe God has gotten me through a lot in my 42 years of life, thanks to an amazing family and some extremely special friends. Ones I have known for years and a few I have only had the pleasure of knowing a short time. I have learned that the words of a friend are only as good as the actions that follow, because many of the so called friendships I thought I had were just friends by speech and not f...

What a whirlwind of a month... Being sick most of the month hasn't been very magical that's for sure but being down for the count left my mind free a lot of the time to do some thinking... I am sure at some point I have written about this over the past few years but it came back to smack me in the face this past week... Self deprecating humor... I should know better but for so long I have had that mind set that if I make people laugh, even if it is at my own expense, it's OK because people are laughing and having a good time and it's not hurting anyone because I am the one making the jokes... Except that isn't entirely true... Little by little the more we tear down ourselves with these mindless jokes we are tearing apart our own self worth... Words can be just as damaging when they come from our own mouths when we say them to our selves as the words others say to us... And of we say them enough, we start believing them just like when others say them to us... N...

    Sometimes you laugh to cover the tears... I had an over all good day today... Nothing remotely terrible in fact... At one point a friend sent me a virtual drink through Instant messenger and when I inquired why, she replied that she didn't like to drink alone... Which of course caused me to reply with many lols... Of course do not worry, the only drinking we did on the job was water and maybe tea for me and possibly a pop or soda for her... Don't want anyone to think we are up to naughty things in our trailer... Focusing on being happy has been a great tool in keeping the stresses of every day life at bay, however it can't fix everything... Sometimes little things slip through and we have to face realities that we haven't wanted to admit to ourselves because they hurt to much... I have been writing this blog off and on for some time now and with a title like Skinny girl in a fat body obviously there are weight battles I deal with on a daily basis... I faced one...

     There is nothing more worrisome than to have your text alert go off at 6:30 in the morning from a friend because you never know what it will bring... Well this morning it was news that she was not well and wouldn't be coming into work today... Well how did this effect me exactly? Well, she was training the class I am currently shadowing to facilitate... The class I have only shadowed once and have only read through the script, if you include my time in the class I attended at Work University and yesterday when I shadowed her that would equal the amount of times I have thus far actually read the entire script... So again, how does this effect me? Since I am sure Work has many people that train said class... Um well there is the rub... In our park there are exactly 6; my friend that called in, myself, 2 others still learning the class and 2 more that know the class but come in at or after the time the class is scheduled to start and there are 9 trainees enrolled to att...

      It was so nice to be back to work today. I do feel bad that a coworker/friend got a little scared when I sent her the following photo yesterday. Well the photo wasn't the scary part, the scary part was the fact that the photo never went through but the text following it did... Which read "Having a cat scan to finally find out what's wrong with me"  Did I mention I have been sick for the past week and I called out sick yesterday and went home sick on my last day of work last week AND missed work the day prior to that... Um January Jokes??? I can't be blamed that her phone wasn't accepting my picture message? Besides after she panicked at the text she ran to another coworker/friend and showed her my text which she promptly replied...well I won't quote her, but let's just say she politely informed her that she may be slightly off her rocker (my words which are a little nicer than what may or may not have been actually said because I was not ther...

     It's been sometime since I have last written and I realized I was a lot happier and healthier when I was blogging.  As I was going through my photos from my holiday trip home I found this "wonderful" gem of me watching Brave in 3-D at my SIL's Dad's house and all I think is Wow, not my best look. And I have some work to do. But how does the year start off for me?  Aches, pains and sickness for the past week and now that I am finally feeling better, I am ready to get moving again and start doing something positive for myself so I don't have to start another year looking like this again.      I was doing so well at the beginning of last year and then life and stress started getting the upper hand and in the end I came in last and the food came in first.     Plus by the end of the year I was an emotional roller coaster letting the nasty ones in my life run my emotions instead of me taking a stand against them. Sadly sometimes when ...